Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
