i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
