I wish life had little blips of pornography
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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