dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
