yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
