Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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