I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize