I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
