Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
