Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize