Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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