apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
