it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
