You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
