she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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