My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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