You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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