I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
