do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
