Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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