hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
