it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
