Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
