Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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