He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
