I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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