I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
