sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize