my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
