I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
