I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
