I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I booty called her while she was in labor.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
