If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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