Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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