I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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