idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize