I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
