You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
