At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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