Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
A+ Viking dick
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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