what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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