Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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