my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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