please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
