he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize