someone get that fucking seahorse.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
