he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
