I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
