you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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