I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
