I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
