I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
