I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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