I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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