You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
