He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
