moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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