jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
