Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think my vagina is haunted
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
