I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
