I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
