What did we do last night that was yellow?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
