Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
