And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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