Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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