Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
