Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
