...so i touched it.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
