so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
